“A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.” ― William Arthur Ward
Don’t we all need friends like that some days! Friends like my dear Heather Siebens. She was over the other evening and we were discussing one of my least favorite topics ANXIETY. I have bipolar it’s true. And it is finally coming under control again after the fall I took this winter, suffered a brain bleed and a resulting time of headaches and dizziness that eventually stressed me enough to throw me into hypomania, depression, hypomania and now just as things are settling what I like to call the PEST of bipolar disorder: Anxiety. It’s like the mosquito of the disease. Sometimes just a few to cause an annoyance — sometimes a swarm to disable you and knock you down. Since I have been found occasionally on the floor unable to get up and drive to an appointment, I may have hit a swarm!
What bugs me beyond the uncomfortable nature of the anxiety itself and the extra meds which tire me is that it affects my ability to accomplish meaningful work. That is what I crave the most in life. Meaningingful work. I was loving my job so much. Now I’m having to put myself on hold again. Slow down a bit. Rest and recuperate. Get stronger. Again.
I get so incredibly frustrated. It’s hard on the finances two of course. Always is. That is the ticklesh part. But nothing is more important than your health people will say. And of course they are right. But getting well is hard when you worry about medical bills and other things.
So you must stop in really and focus on getting well. One must get a ride to the doctor and get ones pills tweeked again. Hold out hope for the anxiety to dwindle. I know I probably just over did in my excitement for the new project. It was so much fun!
It is sad to say and harder to remember, especially with my disposition, but someone with bipolar disorder must avoid having too much fun and excitement and I did celebrate my birthday congruently for nearly three weeks!
Moderation is not my strong suit. I really must learn some to avoid these other negative and inconvenient emotions. They are also unpleasant and take their toll on my body and my mind!