“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it…” ― Nicholas Sparks
It’s true what our man Nicholas says. He’s talking romantically here, I imagine, as the author of “The Notebook” often is. This quote is from a different story of his I haven’t read, but then I’m taking an educated guess. My heart was not broken romantically, but rather in friendship. Nonetheless it broke. And the pain was so bad one night it mimicked a heart attack. I had to call 911 and be taken right in. My blood pressure was soaring, my heart hurt bad, my neck and shoulder and left arm all screamed in pain. I was not anxious, I was terrified. I kept telling myself I could NOT be having a heart attack, I was too young. I only felt like one. Must be my acid reflux. But, the doctor said, that’s usually in the middle of your chest and not on the left and you responded to the nitro in the ambulance and so I am admitting you to cardiac ICU without waiting for the blood tests, and getting you a stress test as soon as possible. ADMITTING. Not a word I’d heard since my bad asthma of the summer, not a word I like to hear EVER. Not a word anyone likes to hear about hospitals!
I waited for the test and tried to sleep. I hadn’t slept all night, first because of anguish, then because of the pain. I don’t really want to relive the breakup of the friendship again. You can read earlier blogs to find out that it happened. I’ve suffered and wondered and prayed and wailed for a couple of weeks now. My friends are very important to me and this was a very dear friend. One I had prayed with, laughed with, cried with and talked with regularly before going to bed at night. Maybe that was why I was having so much trouble sleeping. Hard to say.
Well, finally I had the stress test and like the other tests, it seemed to look okay. I awaited word from the Cardiologist. Finally he came to talk with me. He had read all of my reports. He was a very sweet man. He said you have a clean cardio bill of health! I said I am very glad! We smiled.
He said, well we know what it was not now we will discover together what it was. How about your acid reflux? Have you been eating rich foods, not taking your pills? I shook my head. How about stress? My eyes got wide…Your job? No, I laughed. What then? Well, I have a good friend. Very good really. She decided a couple of weeks ago…well, it went south. Ahh, he said. That would do it. Really? I said. Yes, he nodded. This sort of thing can be deadly he said. My eyes got very big, how so? I said. Well, you haven’t been sleeping have you? No, I said. Car accidents from lack of sleep, things like that can happen. The pain you had in your heart can trigger other problems. This is more common than you realize. You must distance yourself from this person, from the pain and let your soul heal.
Can you move away? he asked. Oh I don’t think I’ll have to I said, she doesn’t live that close. Ahhh, he said. Well, move yourself away from whatever upset you last night. Give your soul time to heal. Okay I said. We smiled and parted.
I was discharged and went home. Home to change my life a bit. Distance myself from a few inroads on social media that left me exposed to memories I couldn’t handle yet. Home to let myself heal. To ask for help from friends. From my Lord. The same emotion ~ love ~ that causes our hearts to break will heal us. The love of friends and my Loving Lord is healing my soul and heart today. I am so very thankful.