Strength

field-horses

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

There are many things that come to mind when I think of the word strong. Horses running through a field. I was a horse girl. My cousins had horses so I got to ride. Horses are gentle and strong when they are good ones and I was lucky to know good horses.

People who are gentle and strong I love very much. My grandfather was such a man, my father too and now my husband. I have been very blessed. But there was a weak man in my life who hurt me terribly. One who I had to be strong about and forgive. I was reminded of this whole experience this week when of all things a friendship of mine went south, a dear friendship really. There was little closure, because the person wouldn’t talk it out. I had to ask forgiveness via voice mail. And then release the friendship to God.

That is exactly what I did with my ex-husband. You are probably wondering how a marriage can die and one party not really know why, but it happens. I know he couldn’t cope with the death of our children. He also didn’t want to be married to someone with bipolar disorder. He let that be known to my family. I guess that is plenty of reasons. Not one thing was told to my face, so I don’t really know. It was a mystery of sorts, something I had to deal with in sickness and darkness, with only God to shine the light of day on it. And one day I forgave. Recently with the help of a dear friend I forgave even more deeply than I had in the past. Forgave and released it to my God. Without forgiveness there is bitterness. In bitterness there is brokenness, illness, regret and torment of the mind.

Let me be clear, I don’t mean my recent friendship loss was this traumatic. It was just that we didn’t talk things out face to face or phone to phone. I suffered some bewilderment that they didn’t want to talk it out. But we do not control others. They are their own people. They have their own reasons and emotions and minds and Spirits that give them their course in life. So we need to let go. Let go and let God.

I’ll admit the anxiety and angst played havoc with my bipolar some sleepless nights. I wrote about other things. But, I have now been unfriended it’s official. The world and social media have spoken, so I must face it. When texts and calls and ill placed phone calls or silence reap nothing, it is time to realize that friendship has ended.

I will always love and admire this person. I will not know the answer, but in the strength of forgiveness for myself and the love of God for this friend I can let go. There is peace in letting go. Just as much as there is hurt and anxiety and frustration in hanging onto things that are slipping through your fingers.

For as the love chapter I Cor 13 says, “Love bears all things, hopes all things, believes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” Love never fails. Neither does the Author of this amazing love and the One who forgives us all.

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4 thoughts on “Strength

  1. I’m at a point where I don’t surround myself with anyone or anything that isn’t positive or that drains me. But I am always torn between choosing to stay away from negativity so I can be less stressed and focus on my happiness…and the feeling that maybe I’m not doing the work I should be doing to make and repair relationships.

    • I think you are very wise. This is a point that I came to many years ago when my daughter was young, I was working full time and taking good care of myself to keep the bipolar at bay. Hmmm, that is the key word group I think. I was taking good care of myself so I could fulfill the rest of my life and responsibilities. Live successfully. I think you are right, to be less stressed and live well, we cannot surround ourselves with draining, negative situations or relationships. Great thought, thank you! I definitely need to consciously put this mind set back in place.

    • Yes you’re right! You know what it’s like…God sees us both through! I can’t wait to see you soon! Wow, never thought I would skip over summer to think of fall already but you got me, we’re ON! 🙂 Love you girl!

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