I was almost asleep and I had to get up to write for a bit. Most of the time when I write, I smile. That hasn’t been the case with this blog. What I’ve been writing about has been difficult to disclose, painful to express. Tonight I am smiling. I am happy. I realize that the long months of depression and ickiness have broken and I have come into the sunshine.
I don’t know why I got hit so hard by the depths of bipolar mood swing this late spring and early summer. Summer is usually my best time. The sunshine outside fills my soul and I coast through the long summer days. It’s true for many of us isn’t it? And those who suffer from bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, even more so.
So why did I suffer so? Why, in fact does someone who loves this world so much, and every happy thing in it even find themselves afflicted with bipolar? The answer quite frankly is: why not? Why not me? Am I so special that I should escape a mental disorder? Many people across the globe suffer, battle daily with these things, why not me?
I have no answer either way, except to say that I love my life, warts and all. I love every breath I take. When I’m miserable and stop being so, it makes me all the more thankful for the good days. So I say, why not me? So many people expect God, or whomever they feel is in charge of their fate, should give them a break. Cut them some slack. Ease up on the suffering quotient.
I’m sorry if I seem flip about this…but look at it this way — There is a bit of wisdom in Matthew 5:45 that says God causes the rain to fall on the just and the unjust. No matter how wonderful you are or think you are, the rain is going to fall on you baby, so let it come. It will stop someday and the sun will come out again. You will smile.
You were born to smile. Not cry. Smile. I am convinced that suffering is for a season. Sometimes that season seems and is too darn long. But it will end and then it is time to smile. Enjoy the blessing, the life you were born to live and go on from there.
@Copyright by Libby Baker Sweiger